I Gave It Up

For several years I have been dealing with physical and mental symptoms that are undiagnosable, at least accurately. I've dealt with serious post partum depression, headaches, memory loss, aches, acne, difficulty losing weight and fatigue. Major fatigue. It doesn't matter when I go to sleep or when I wake up. I get the kids off to school and lie down and fall asleep. I wake up and take a shower only to want to lie down again. Yes I've had tests and of course nothing seems to be wrong, not hormones, thyroid, etc. I've popped thousands of vitamins and nothing helped. This wasn't the kind of mom I envisioned myself to be. I didn't want to be lazy and inactive but my energy was gone. I can honestly say that I really prayed about this and didn't like or want to admit to what I was feeling.

You see, my husband has asked me for years to quit. "I'm telling you, that stuff is poison." But I don't listen very well. I'm to proud. If he was right then that would mean that I was wrong.

I realized one day that I may be wrong. I took the leap of faith and I gave it up.

And so I quit. I had tried before. Many times, but never successfully. But this time I played a game with myself. I wasn't giving up the icy cold refreshing bubbles that I so loved and craved. I could still have it any time I wanted. I wasn't giving up the caffeine that sometimes lifted me. I could still have it any time. I decided that I was going to simply give up the "poison". The aspartame. My drink of choice. Diet Coke.




Many people have different views about this chemical. Look it up on the Internet and you will find hundreds of thousands of pros and cons. That's not really what this was about. It's more about me finally following that tiny whisper in the back of my mind that said to do it. And so, it's been about 4 months since I have had a Diet Coke or a diet drink or snack of any kind.

What changes did I see? Nothing. At least not for a while. But then one day I realized that I had sent my kids off to school, took a shower and went on with my daily things without crawling back into bed. I was dreaming again. I hadn't realized that I had been missing that for a while. My mom commented on my complexion one afternoon, "your skin looks brighter, fresher" and I realized my pores were smaller and I hadn't broken out in several weeks. I have not been eating out as much. I realized that I would want a soda and go to a drive thru - every single day. And lastly I just plain felt better. Coincidence. Some might say, but I never have believed in coincidences. I haven't lost any weight but I now have enough energy to get myself to the gym so we'll see.

Giving it up wasn't so hard. Once I decided I could still have the real stuff it made it easy. Now, as far as the real stuff is concerned...I don't really like it. It's too sweet. But there are just some meals, pizza and Mexican for sure, that I HAVE to have a soda with and so it's the real thing. But I find that I don't even finish one full glass compared to the three or four refills I would have of the diet.

So is it poison? I don't know about the rest of the population but for me I think it is. But shh. Don't tell my husband he was right.